Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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