youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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