life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
