mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
