If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
