Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
