he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
