Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
