Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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