I CAN MOONWALK!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
