You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
