Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
