Your dad touched me again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
