You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
