I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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