you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
