I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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