Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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