forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
