Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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