So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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