She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
