apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
