Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
