Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize