Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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