How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
