Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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