The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
