I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dick very happy bro
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
