Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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