So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
