Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
