3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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