New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
