I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
