I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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