Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
