Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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