I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Such a big mess for such a small penis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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