I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Randomize
