Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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