Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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