I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We have started to decorate penises.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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