I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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