every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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