I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
