do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
