Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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