the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
