maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
