Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
