okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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