I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
