i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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