Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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