Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
