Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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