i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize