What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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