I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
