a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
